A high school grad's concerns

The night has this really unique effect on me. On me and on everyone else. It makes me think... and gets so deep I can almost drown.
It's the end of an era now. Cliche, I know, but a true one. I'm mostly busy lately and my mind is occupied with fun little things, so I don't really feel this end everyone is talking about. I'm not really comprehending the fact that it's a new world for me, and that the time I have left for carelessness and childishness is very limited.
I'm aware but I'm also not.
I'm glad the excruciating routine of waking up waiting to early and wandering around on pilot mode is over now, and that I have more freedom and time for self development. However, I'm terrified I'll find out too soon that I'm lonely and sad and destined to live meaningless life. So, in order to avoid the inevitable, I must make plans for myself, and obey my own rules. Put myself back in a strict system, with well defined goals and a plan of action. I believe this is good for me. One thing I learned in those 12 years of school is that we are meant to be put in a system and follow the rules. And one's rebellion only contributes to strengthen the system. It is expected and it rarely breaks the system (if it is thorough enough, that is).
It probably sounds weird and depressing, that I just broke free, and I immediately put myself in metaphorical handcuffs again, but it is completely by choice and with awareness.
I believe that if I set goals to myself, and if I'll make the best out of the 2 months I have left here, I'm going to feel a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment in the end. That's how we are, or at least some of us are. Human beings are pretty weird, huh?
Anyway, writing these odd yet completely normal night thoughts made me feel more relaxed. As writing usually does. It helps me clean up and clear up what it is that I'm trying to say, even if I don't end up saying anything.
I'll write a post tomorrow, a happier one, about the last couple of days, that were packed with experiences and were very special to me. I would like to remember them, and writing is probably the best way I can relive these moments.
I may also devote a section towards defining my goals for these next two months. Hopefully that, and cleaning my room, will help me get motivated and ready to rock.

Goodnight blogger :)

Lost

Lost: me.
If found, please return to: mommy and daddy.

השראה של לילה

השער נסגר במהרה, מים מתנקזים מצדדיו לתוך נהר של קלישאות שמגנות בחירוף נפש על התקווה שבפנים.

עליזות, אופטימיות ונאיביות פורצים מכל זוג אחוריים של התושבים השלמים והמושלמים.

האדונים הנכבדים, הגברות המגונדרות והפילוסופים הגאונים, אין להם מושג קלוש עד כמה מגוחכת שגרת יומם, עד כמה מגוחכים חייהם.

ואף על פי כן, הייתי רוצה בכל מאודי לרוץ ולקפוץ ולנצח במירוץ אל העיר ה(רבים יטענו מיותרת)זו. לקבל על עצמי את קלות הדעת המביישת ולצחוק על החיים מעבר לחומה.

אך, לצערי, השערים כבר נסגרו.

Filled with feelings

I have this feeling lately, like everything I do is naive and childish. It might be an illusion, cause all in all I do act like a responsible mature young adult, more or less, but I can't help but wonder if I should take life more seriously.
Saying that, I have no clue what that really means. It seems like some people are on the right track, they found some layers of complexity, some kind of depth to their teenage life, but I seem to be left behind.
I go by the attitude of "what you see is what you get", that's how I act, that's how I interpret things. I think I've been doing it unconsciously until now, and kept wondering why I can't find my deeper meaning, and now I've started to be aware of it.
One person I talked to about it told me I shouldn't be trying to over complicate things to make them interesting, which I agree with, but he also said that most of the time what you see is really what you've got. I think that's wrong, people, phenomenons, other things, rarely turn out to be exactly what they seemed to be at the beginning.
I don't quite know what I'm saying here, it seems purposeless and stupid, but it's only because I'm not completely sure I've got this issue pinned down. I guess I'll have to keep thinking about it, maybe discuss it with more people and see if they can help me feel less...confused.
Besides those silly feelings, everything is going well. After a very long winter, spring has finally arrived- there are beautiful white and pink blossoms on some trees, the mornings are warmer and the sun is already up when I enter school.
The end of 12 years of school is near, everyone can feel it now, but I can barely grasp it. I'm filled with excitement and fear. Now it's my time to spread my wings and fly on the winds of diligence and creativity, design my own future, as an independent, happy adult.
The fear of heartbreak and failure is almost paralyzing but there's also hope for a bright future.
Well, I think I'm going to end this post right now, maybe I'll continue this line of thought some other time.
Goodnight dear readers :)

Woohoo first post!

Hi there fellow bloggers and random readers,
I used to write a blog on some other interface for a few years. I didn't post things too often, just a few times every month, but it was nice and comfortable and a good way for me to express myself. Now some company is going to close this blogging website so I had to create another blog. I've been thinking of creating a Blogger account for a while and now I finally have the opportunity. I hope this blog will be as great as my old one, if not greater, I hope to feel comfortable and get nice feedback on the things I decide to share here :)
Not long ago (24 days ago, to be exact) I started this new initiative, in which I write in my blog 3 good things that happened to me every day. Not gonna lie, it wasn't easy to come up with and remember to write 3 things every day, but I did my best. I want to continue this initiative in this blog as well, so...
here are 3 good things that happened today (Sunday, 03/30/2014):

1. I felt crafty yesterday so I decided to cut up cool headlines and picture from old magazines and put them together into a nice collage. This obviously takes some time and effort, so I haven't finished it yet, but it's going well; I have some good materials and today I went and got a yellow poster paper for it. I'm so excited! I bet it's going to look great. It's the first time I'm trying to make a collage so... wish me luck!

2. I got some stuff done, ran some errands, RSVP'd some event I have next week and was pretty productive all in all, which made me feel satisfied.

3. I wrote (or actually, am writing right now) the first post in my new blog! Isn't it exciting? :)

* Bonus (for extra happiness!): on Friday I went to this Chinese buffet with my boyfriend and his mom to celebrate his mom's best friend's birthday. It was absolutely lovely (and tasty) and I had a really good time. They were very nice and welcoming, I immediately felt comfortable (well, as comfortable as one can be inside a random Chinese buffet filled with sea food and Hispanics ;) ).

So... tell me, what were some good things that happened to you today? I would love to hear it!
Ciao!