I have this feeling lately, like everything I do is naive and childish. It might be an illusion, cause all in all I do act like a responsible mature young adult, more or less, but I can't help but wonder if I should take life more seriously.
Saying that, I have no clue what that really means. It seems like some people are on the right track, they found some layers of complexity, some kind of depth to their teenage life, but I seem to be left behind.
I go by the attitude of "what you see is what you get", that's how I act, that's how I interpret things. I think I've been doing it unconsciously until now, and kept wondering why I can't find my deeper meaning, and now I've started to be aware of it.
One person I talked to about it told me I shouldn't be trying to over complicate things to make them interesting, which I agree with, but he also said that most of the time what you see is really what you've got. I think that's wrong, people, phenomenons, other things, rarely turn out to be exactly what they seemed to be at the beginning.
I don't quite know what I'm saying here, it seems purposeless and stupid, but it's only because I'm not completely sure I've got this issue pinned down. I guess I'll have to keep thinking about it, maybe discuss it with more people and see if they can help me feel less...confused.
Besides those silly feelings, everything is going well. After a very long winter, spring has finally arrived- there are beautiful white and pink blossoms on some trees, the mornings are warmer and the sun is already up when I enter school.
The end of 12 years of school is near, everyone can feel it now, but I can barely grasp it. I'm filled with excitement and fear. Now it's my time to spread my wings and fly on the winds of diligence and creativity, design my own future, as an independent, happy adult.
The fear of heartbreak and failure is almost paralyzing but there's also hope for a bright future.
Well, I think I'm going to end this post right now, maybe I'll continue this line of thought some other time.
Goodnight dear readers :)
